It seems that my two year quest to find a job is beyond fruitless. I’m dumbfounded as to why I don’t yet have a job. I’ve never been in this situation. But I’ve never been forty either. Maybe when I was younger I had more energy? Maybe I’m just not qualified for anything? Maybe I’m in the wrong region? Mostly I just am disappointed in myself. In my whole life, whenever I needed something to happen, it just did. For two years I’ve wanted a whole bunch of things to happen. They haven’t.
Now my unemployment is ending. I’m running out of savings. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m on foodstamps which is a benefit that’s ending soon. Not sure how much worse it can get. My mother is lobbying hard to get me to move back to Florida. I know she’s trying to help but the legal battle attached to that fight is going to require energy that I just don’t have. Is the judge really going to let me leave the state with my kids? And for now, that is the biggest problem I have. Sadly I realize that it’s THIS and not L that is taking a lot of my emotional space right now. Unfortunately for L, he may face losing me. I’m just looking at potentially losing everything I own and being unable to exist here. He’s just looking at losing his girlfriend who can do fun stuff, looks good with a tan and loves sex.