Driving with Coffee

Saturday, June 26, 2010

My Free Time

L wanted to come for the weekend. I wanted to see him, just not for the entire weekend. This is my first chance to have time to myself to do whatever I want. To do nothing, if I want. The kids are at their dad's house till Monday night.

It's quiet here for me right now. I don't have to answer any ridiculous questions. I don't have to break up any fights. I don't have to stop anyone from making big messes. It's just me. I can think freely. I can have my coffee in silence.

L and I planned together that he would come today at noon. It isn't that I don't want to see him. It's that I don't really want to see anyone. I was going to go for a bike ride and then head to the Cape to pick him up.

I decided last night not to do any cleaning. I wasn't going to work on any projects. I wasn't going to write. I just wanted to relax. This past week was pretty tough on me, having the kids all the time takes a lot of energy. First week of summer vacation.

I had worked in the yard all day pulling weeds. I was dirty and tired. So I took a hot bath with candlelight and a glass of wine. There was no way I was going to do anything but relax last night. So I poured another glass of wine and pulled out my paints. I finshed some of my projects that I'd put aside, waiting for inspiration.

L called while I was painting. I think he might have been drunk and high. He sounded out of it. He sounded happy that I was painting. I told him I had decided not to stress over cleaning and getting ready for his visit. He suggested that maybe I wanted to have my Saturday to myself, and that maybe he should come on Sunday. I decided that's exactly what I had wanted. So we changed our scheduled visit to Sunday. Yay. I have a WHOLE day to myself. As soon as it was decided I felt entirely relaxed and good.

So now it's my Saturday. Phone rang at 7 a.m. It was L calling to see if he was supposed to be coming today. Guess he was pretty out of it when we talked last night.

So I'm off to go do whatever I want, nothing if I want!

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